POST #317: Daisy Should Be Driving Miss Hazel...

In a city somewhere (that surely couldn't be Mississauga), there is an old lady (who couldn't possibly be Hazel McCallion) driving a big old Buick. That isn't the funny part. Actually... That is kinda funny all by itself.

The funny part is that the owner of the Buick (who couldn't have been McCallion) was stopped in the middle of an intersection at a red light. Apparently, the big old Buick, with its "MAYOR 1" license plate, had failed to make the left hand turn before the light turned red. So, it sat there, with its signal light blinking uselessly while I and about 80 other mtotorists gawked at a confused little old lady who probably didn't know whether she was coming or going. Traffic trying to move past her in the intersection negotiated a semi-choreographed ballet of squealing tires, blaring horns, and flying middle-fingers. When she finally got the green, she sat there for a moment, and I thought about jumping out of my car with a defib machine - just in case she needed a jump start. Luckily for everyone, she noticed that the light had turned green, and successfully made her turn onto another street, where she would likely encounter another set of lights. I almost wanted to follow her for the entertainment, but, I had a dental appointment.

Driving anywhere in the city can be hazardous to your health. It's almost like three quarters of the population are driving around with blindfolds on - and that's only to stop them from seeing the remaining quarter of the drivers slam into their ass-end when they stop.

Impatience. That's the biggest problem. The light hasn't even been green for ten millionths of a second, and some jackwad is honking at you to get through. (Probably because they saw Hazel coming towards them, and they want to get out of the way.) They don't signal before changing lanes, choosing instead to careen wildly from one shoulder to the other while talking on their cellphones, scratching their nuts, and eating a bowl of cereal. Then there are the weiners that follow the transit buses like hemorrhoids, and get pissed every time the bus stops to pick somebody up. Or better yet, they crowd the bus, forgetting that buses have the right of way. (Not that it matters anyway, because the buses can't pass through the two hundred people who have chosen not to cross at the crosswalk, choosing instead to believe that any car who sees them will know that they have an important meeting to get to at the local Tim Hortons, and will surely swerve to avoid them.)



Give me drivers like Ms. (couldn't possibly be her) McCallion... Slower than the second coming, and confused as hell. At least you know they won't slam into you.

posted by The Corporal at 22:10